Sightings Received Friday July 31, 1998|
Source Name: Shallow Swallow
Time of Sighting: July 31
President Clinton said Friday he will testify "completely and truthfully" when questioned by Independent Counsel Ken Starr about his (Clinton's) relationship with Monica Lewinsky. Meanwhile, prosecutors are having the FBI test one of Lewinsky's dresses, a key piece of evidence in the final weeks of an investigation into alleged presidential perjury and obstruction of justice. Clinton's Attorneys are suing for possession of the dress in question. Dead Elvis (to right of Clinton) says bids for the soiled dress have reached the 6 figure level. Speculation on undergarment futures has reached in excess of $63 million. "One spurt on a nylon panty is worth more than all the colors that VanGogh guy squirted all over his canvas. Just goes to show where American's heads is at..."