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Dead Elvis
Dear Dead Elvis,

Dead Dorothy here. You remember when you died, don't you? Do you remember how they picked you up off the floor and "hung up your clothes"--meaning the Elvis Presley costume you always used to wear?

They do that to everyone, you know. They did the same thing to me. Then they went out and sold you all over all the markets. (I'm not sure if my image got sold out or not). Now there are Elvis dudes all over the place. Not Dead Elvis dudes--just Elvis dudes. They've adopted some of your same old habits. Of course, they don't really fool anybody, but it's good for business.

Nowadays, Dead Elvis, that particular model of your old selves is kind of like Santa Claus--you're in all the shopping malls and you still make it on television and in magazines and tabloids-although the old Princess Diana definitely outranks you in the tabloid business. I saw the real Dead Di the other day (she was standing next to me in line at Lucky's) and she told me that when she was in her old body she never felt as pretty as she looks all her photos. Itold her that although she definitely had the magic princess look down back then, she actually has way more going for her now-- nowadays she can look like anyone she wants to, and she definitely has more elbow room.

It's true, don't you think?

Well anyway, since you are almost as popular as Santa, I've decided to give you a sneak peek at my Christmas wish list. Of course, you'll have to edit it for the internet--unfortunately, there's no way to edit it for that ridiculous old witch--she already knows everything and I can't seem to escape her or even to capture her voice--although I'm still trying... But hey! You know, I'm forgot to tell you that I'm taking a writing course through the Bardo Training Center in San Francisco! They don't know this yet... But then I can't tell them right out loud! We dead people are supposed to keep our silence, and I don't want to get put back a grade just because I'm so gabby.

Anyway! But back to Christmas wishes. This year--this year!--I want Santa to visit the Easter Bunny... Some resurrections are in order. Here's my list:

Helen Keller and Annie Sullivan

Carl Jung (but he's not to be allowed to talk for the first 6 months)

Anne Frank Lucia Joyce

and that weird guy who wrote "Waiting for Godot"

Thomas Jefferson (I don't know much about him, but it's a cool name)

Mark Twain (okay, okay--so he's already resurrected. Geez..Resurrect him again already!)

Sigmund Freud, (but he's not allowed to be a Freudian--he has to work miracles and fall in love with Annie Sullivan...maybe...nothing like that is mandatory. But that witch is a Piscean who likes matchmaking in her spare time--you know how she's a pyro thing, probably, perhaps...I bet she'll be in the cell next to mine if and when we get sent back to the hospital or jail.)

We did get out, didn't we?

And that's it for now! How many is that? You get a maximum of twelve resurrections a year, I've heard, but if Gabriel (I mean the Easter bunny) goes back into business, we could get more--if he can get any helpers.

What do you think?
And do you think Santa Claus will go for it?

Dead Dorothy


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