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John Candy in his new life

John Candy

When confronted by doctors with the certainly of his own death, if he did not dramatically alter his lifestyle, John Candy came to Celebrity Protection Program for help. He knew that his fans would never let him be anything other than the robust larger than life, larger than healthy, comedian that he was.

So step in we did. CPP moved into action. We found Mr. Candy a diet farm in Amish country. They were the only people on earth we could locate that had not seen any of his movies. Even in Outer Mongolia he had a 70% recognition factor.

After his dramatic transformation at the Amish Fat Farm, Mr. Candy changed his name to Johnny Heath. He is currently employed as a crossing walk guard in front of a gourmet coffee shop in Seattle. Through the use of disinformation we have protected his cover for perpetuity. We had him arrested, tried, and convicted for the crime of trying to impersonate John Candy.

The jury were lenient on the slender young man that was obviously deranged if he expected to successfully impersonate the robust John Candy. He was given a suspended sentence and is currently serving the last few months of his parole.

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